Thursday, 15 January 2009


There is a legend here in the hamlet of Randall-Hopkirk, a very scary legend, about a big giant known by the name of The Big Giant. And last night he appeared in a dream dragging a string of sausages, whilst piercing my very being with his evil eyes. I was terrified. It is said that the sausages are the enslaved souls of his victims who must follow The Big Giant wherever he goes (including peoples' dreams), and they must live without voting rights or shoes.

Transfixed by this abominable vision, I was unable to escape his looming presence and resigned myself to whatever fate he had in store for me. Suddenly, unexpectedly and without warning or due caution, The Big Giant grunted then said
"What are you doing?"
My voice spoke into the dream without my mind working
"What's it look like.. I'm waiting for a bus you fuckwit."
He looked at the bus stop next to me and considered the situation for a while, then became incredibly enraged and tripped over his sausages.

I awoke as my bedroom began to materialize around me, and a cow farted outside. Realizing my encounter with the giant was merely a dream I experienced a sensation of incredible relief, until I discovered I was a sausage.

At the moment, I am not sure if this is another dream.. all I do know for certain is I cannot find my shoes and the vote button on my remote-control won't work for Big Brother or The X Factor...


G3T Films said...

How? How? How... did a sausage type this?

T S Munty said...

That is a very good question G3T. I seem to have a certain amount of sausage power that makes the keyboard operate without touching it, but I don't understand how.

I take it you're not a sausage?

G3T Films said...

What? Of course I am you impudent wretch! It is I, King Sausage Edward Chorizo the Third. Crowned with the auspice of God himself on St Martin's Eve, bearing the traditional cloak of Mash with a Sauerkraut trim; I who is spicer, shorter, fatter and moister than all those great Bratwursts who preceded me just wanted to know if you were using the new sausage voice recognition software or you old sausage powers like the rest of us?

T S Munty said...

King Sausage Edward Chorizo the Third.. oh I did'nt realize it was you, hope you have a certificate to prove who you are, it sounds a bit long winded to me.

I have old sausage powers like the rest of us, and have put them in a toasted sandwich and eaten them many times. You can tell the Bratwursts that.